Tag Archives: relationships

What Do I Know?

I am working on a lot of self-discovery and have had a giant boost in energy, intuition and spiritual growth. I am nearing the end of this life phase and will start another one. I just don’t know when. Spirit may say “soon” and it happens 3 years later! That is the problem with psychic readings or direction from spirit. Their timeline and ours are very different.

As a psychic I have learned to ask for more specific information like month, season or even year. I had a psychic reading perhaps 5 years ago and I asked her when I would receive something very specific. She answered “August.” Naturally I thought it was August 5 years ago. It wasn’t. This event seems to be starting now. So I could have asked, “August of what year?” Try to remember when you are given information from spirit that you may need some additional information.

When I speak of people charting 1/3 of their life with difficult lessons and turmoil, I speak from experience. My childhood was very difficult and I still don’t openly discuss what I went through even with my own children. But, my childhood was tragic up to the age of 18 or 19. Then, as an adult (more or less) the tragedy was part my own doing and part abusive marriage. As I aged I did ask spirit for the meaning of my childhood situations and that is when they told me about the common 1/3 tendency.  Part of what you read on this site is me and most of it is spirit over the years. I would never author this blog on my own. I am a conduit, not a spiritual leader!

In my own life my childhood was wrought with trauma and difficult situations. My young adulthood I began to learn that those harsh lessons were meant to teach me something. My marriage taught me too many difficult lessons about abuse, self-worth, parenthood, consequences… Then, I started my actual learning phase. I found God, began to pray and understood that I had charted this life in order to learn some specific lessons. What I struggled to learn, I could help to teach others in similar situations.

Thankfully, I am beyond my 1/3 of trouble. This next phase is something better and coming from a vastly different perspective. My connection to spirit is very good. My ability to “read” other people has improved immensely. My willingness to step forward and help those around me is still not enough, this I know. I tend to avoid turmoil if I can. My ability to accept direction from spirit is awesome. I am given dialog, charts, graphs, timelines, agendas, song lyrics, life stories spoken as fairy tales… I have no doubt that my ability to comprehend and share spirit guidance is pretty good.

We have been told in the past that your greatest teachers are perhaps those who have harmed you the most. This is true in my life. My mother and ex-husband taught me volumes of learning and knowledge. Each sibling has come with a different set of lessons. Aunts, uncles, cousins and community members have taught me some important things as well. This is so important for you to understand. Yes, it hurts, but what is the purpose for what you have experienced? What are important are the lessons. Even if you have to write things down to figure out what the purpose was, get something positive out of everything that you go through. Always be willing to learn.

I have continued to learn from my parents even beyond their death. That is one benefit of being psychic. They have each changed so much after leaving this life. It will bring me to tears. I am on better terms with each of them now. This is a blessing. They want me to share information with my siblings or other family members but I tend to avoid these expectations. Why? Because I think they will focus on me and not the message. Who am I? What do I know? Keep this to yourself!

As a physic, it takes a while before people are ready to accept that information, guidance and direction are not coming from me. I get a lot of anger because I don’t mince words. Spirit is direct and so am I. This may hurt your feelings, and it usually does. I believe that my duty is to give you all of the information that spirit wishes you to know. If I start editing or paraphrasing, I am doing you a disservice. So imagine how interesting a spirit-guided visit would be for one of my siblings. Yikes. I am the youngest of 8. No one wants to hear my mouth even though I am in my 50’s and have changed a lot. A drop by reading is never good.

Please take the information provided by spirit with an open mind and an eagerness to learn. If your life were nothing but kisses and flowers, there may be less emotional pain but how often is that? Get a recording or write it down. Review it from time to time to time and be objective. I have had people offended when they receive the reading and then truly grateful after a year. This is common. The truth hurts. Sorry.

Always be sure whether you are getting actual spirit information or if the psychic is giving you advice or somehow altering the message. I stopped seeing a psychic because I was getting her own advice! This is not what a reading is for. If someone is genuine they may give you the factual information then expand upon it if you have questions. But ALL of the information is from spirit or other Divine beings.

Remove the emotion from what you have heard and set about discovering the lessons.

If you hear voices and are not psychotic, be careful who you think that they are. It is usually your self-talk but it could be something more troublesome. I find I hear inauthentic voices often. By being psychic, spirit is drawn to me. I shine like a beacon. Earthbound spirits may dwell in my space in order to soak up my energy or provide me with false information. I call it debris. I am able to pray and ask for the debris to be blocked, meditate and seek my higher guides to block it or envision blocks myself using energy and light. I still get caught unaware so I can imagine it may be easy for you to get derailed.

This is where the advice comes from about information being upsetting. If it is not matter-of-fact, it is not genuine. This is one of the more difficult situations to comb through.

“The voice sounds just like my uncle.” A ghost will flip through the files in your brain and represent themselves as your uncle. They may provide the smell of cologne, whiskey and breath mints but it still isn’t your uncle. Our own minds are very creative. This discernment takes time. As I have said, even after 15 years I still get debris. It is constant.

Often I get a voice that either tells me what I want to hear or taps into what I want or need just to cause me emotional pain. This could be my own ego voice which will cause upset intentionally or debris. The best way to discern where the voice is coming from is through my God Center, being grounded and full of Light. If I touch my fingers to me God Center, I get a sense of truth about it and I am able to either quiet my ego voice or banish the debris. This is a great way to double check the origin of a lot of different energy.

Usually in a reading, spirit will say something about an object, event or situation that is current. This is to let you know that they are in your life at present. They like the new paint in the kitchen, your new hairstyle or congratulations on your son’s wedding. This lets you know they are near you and share in the special events of your life or perhaps some upsetting moments as well.

Be careful taking advice from spirit. They may have crossed over but they still offer some bad advice. Spirit will retain their usual prejudices, paranoia or preferences. Don’t take financial advice from a loved one who died heavily in debt. Just because they are on the Other Side does not make them experts.

You may receive wonderful information about your health and well-being as long as the details come from a genuine source. Be cautious and double check where the information is coming from.

I get information about car accidents, illnesses, injuries, presidential elections, and the gender of unborn babies… Do I always pass along this information? No. There is a purpose to each event. I had become aware that my nephew would total his new truck. I was told when, where, the circumstances of his loss of control of the vehicle and that he would not be seriously harmed. I did not inform him or my sister. He needed to learn about speeding, winter road conditions and driving under the influence of alcohol. He learned those lessons without me.

Sometimes I will pass information along but this is usually to people who know where this information comes from and are open to psychic/mediums. I am not the psychic that will walk up to you in the supermarket and tell you to get to the Dr. This isn’t me.

If you want that type of information, make sure that the psychic knows. If you don’t get the information it is because you can’t do anything about it. Nothing would be influenced if you were to know. It is that simple. Someone isn’t a bad psychic if they don’t have all the information.

This is some gentle information about psychics, spirit guides, hearing voices and getting accurate information. It is truly a blend of me and spirit. I find that the more I love you and others, the better and more accurate the information is that I am provided. If I was trying to make a million dollars, I would be acting from ego and the details would be wholly untrue and possibly inflammatory. Not matter-of-fact.

I will be sure to let you know when my new life phase starts. Now that I know it is August of 2017! It has been a wild ride but you will know what I know. I have done the work and have tools that you may not. Thank you for being here.

 

 

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The Blessed Journey Within

Finding God does not take a trip of a thousand footsteps. You merely have to look inside to find HIM.

Why do you feel that faith is something that you find somewhere? Your soul has all of the necessary information on God and life that you will ever need. Looking outside of yourself may be a deterrent to finding those “truths” that you know exist.

You don’t live life inside of yourself. This would accomplish nothing. You must balance what happens around you and what is in your soul. To initially find your faith you must touch upon it where it resides in your God Center. This is in your solar plexus or the area behind the tip of your sternum.

Often advice comes suggesting you follow your heart or what you have determined to be factual in your mind. These two energy centers may not give you the most accurate information. Emotions cloud much of the information that spirit may provide to you. It is this fact that skews your guidance.

Emotions will keep you actively involved in negative loops of thinking and behavior. If you are in an abusive relationship will you leave and get safe if you follow your heart? No. You will likely stay because you love that person. You love them enough to keep forgiving them over and over again. What does your mind say about this? Whatever you choose to tell yourself. Your self-talk may be keeping you in this relationship as well. “I love him, he will change, and she made a promise this time… I know she will change for me.” Either your heart or your mind has not provided you with truthful information.

You will be chasing emotions for the rest of your life but this will not get you anywhere. The truth is in your God Center. Touch your fingers to the lower portion of your sternum. Be still and meditative if possible. Find that truth that is there. To know you have successfully made a connection to your true self you will feel a sense of calm and knowing.

This knowledge is based in truth so there is no emotion attached to it. This is also a good state to be mindful. In this inner connection you find truth and stability that you may have not known before. Emotion makes you run here or there, become upset with what is and mood swings from euphoria to desolation. This is not spiritual health. This is being a slave to your emotions.

Have you found that you haven’t made any real progress by following your emotions? If you make decisions by what mood you are in, there is no authentic motivation. These decisions may leave you feeling empty, lost or alone. You may also feel like you never get ahead. It may be like climbing a mountain of fine sand. You have images of never reaching the top.

Your chart is in your God Center. Your guides and God are there too.

If you find your mind whirls with chatter, who are you actually listening to? Most of the time it is your own inner voice. Occasionally it is a guide or other Divine being. Sometimes it is a ghost or earthbound spirit who offers you useless or upsetting information. There are darker beings that may invade your mind but that would take a skilled seer to discover this. NEVER go to someone who has no training or background in dealing with attachments or nefarious spirits. This will only deepen your struggles.

Information given to you that is frightening is not a spirit guide. Genuine guidance from spirit guides is matter-of-fact. They are verbally blunt and expressionless. This emotionless exchange is true. You always have to remember how you felt the moment you received the information. Why? Because you will add emotion, fear, excitement, dread, hopelessness… It may be helpful to write it down so when your mind or heart begins to add layers of nonsensical information you may reconnect with how you felt when you originally became aware of the information. Weed out the mind/heart interference and remember what the genuine message was.

Receiving genuine guidance may not make you very popular. You tend to become matter-of-fact as well. Things make sense and seem obvious. You have a direct line to what your intuition states from this life and perhaps a few others. This unquestionable “knowing” may irritate those you deal with. They may feel that you are uncaring or a know-it-all. They may also mistake your mental strength and stability as some type of personality disorder. You really want people to know that you love them and offer support, care and nurturing. You are not an emotionless robot so do not present yourself as one. This is one caveat. Remember to offer love and support because when others are still dealing from their heart or mind they will not comprehend your God Center directness. Find truth but remember how to love.

Have you known spiritual leaders to seem arrogant or lofty? This is that caveat that we make reference to. You may have profound faith and dedication to God but still seem unapproachable or distant. This really doesn’t help you or anyone else. Life does not occur in a vacuum. You need information from within AND still participate in life. This is one of your life goals.

To be lofty and above all others will make your soul group connections diminish. You will seem to travel in isolation. You may only communicate with others who have your same lofty beliefs. Then what good are you doing for your loved ones, family and community? Be a real person with a direct connection to God. Remain humble and stay connected to loved ones. Be aware that they are still dealing in terms that you have found to be ineffective and obsolete. They still deserve your love and attention. If they cannot deal with you on your spiritual level then choose to send them angels, pray for their well-being and jump in with help where and when you can.

Don’t be a silo in a world of too many silos. Use your knowledge and awareness to help everyone along. Send love, hope and healing to all others. You are not going to break bread with them or allow them to live in your guest room but a thoughtful prayer and blessing is awesome. There are struggles throughout this world. Send something positive to these places or situations. Many spiritual beings will offer that LOVE is always the answer. Embrace this and see where it takes you.

Love is truly in your God Center. Self-love, love of others and love for all Creation does not just reside in your heart. The entirety of “your” truth is in your God Center and real life will flow from there.

Become the Vessel

There are many steps to increase your spirituality. You must open to God and allow your healing. There are things that we do which block this process. Spirit often reminds us to get out of our own way.

Being open is to allow yourself to believe in God, prayer, healing, miracles and limitless faith. Any amount of doubt will slow this journey. Open refers to a wide open space in your mind and being that is free from judgement, doubt or resistance. It is allowing yourself to be a blank canvas available to the Divine.

There are habits, behavior and ways of processing information which may be blocking your receptivity to God. You may set some goals to rid yourself of some obvious blocks to being open but some more obscure blocks may be left intact. That is why increasing your spirituality is a process. Divine clarity and complete openness is something that must be worked on over time. Always believe that you have more to learn. Even believing that you know everything is a block to higher evolution.

Receptivity is allowing you to be filled with your chart, faith, growth and maturity. Receive anything that the Light wishes to bring you. Strive to be open and receptive.

There are new ideas and different ways of thinking that you may immediately resist. It is best to be open to this possibility and at least consider what you are learning and why. To believe in only one route to find God you will certainly not find Him.

New ways of thinking are presented to you for a reason. This is a process in which spirit is offering you a more versatile way to worship and gain insight. If you doubt the source of new information then it truly may not be for you but if you have respect for the source, these may be the answers that you seek.

We have all been met with new ideas. Some fit and others don’t. What you know to be true now may have actually surprised you a few years ago. It is this ability to receive input that pushes you to grow. Test it. Try it out. If it really doesn’t work for you, let it go. If this same idea is presented to you again, it is likely meant for you to consider it more seriously. This is one way God and spirit work.

Mindfulness keeps you in the “now.” Not looking back or forward. Yes, you are encouraged to make goals but being in this very moment is essential to being open and receptive. To resist looking anywhere but this moment is key to finding that perfect space to meditate and commune with God and spirit.

You do not live life in the past or future. You live this life in the present. This is where you gain more insight than you have thought possible. To be grounded in now will bring answers to both the past and future. Know when to reach for it and when to say that it is ok to keep going. Resisting unnecessary emotion will bring more clarity to you.

Your genuine life is in spirit. While you are here, your chart involves lessons. Minimal emotion is good to help weed through your lessons and resist any unnecessary delay in learning. Severe mood swings actually cloud the Divine. Gather your experiences, learn the lessons and weave all of it into the fabric that is you. You will have more success if you keep your emotions moderate and live in the now.

Prayer is communicating with a Higher Power. Speak to God and release anything that is not of your higher self. Release any dark or negative thoughts and behavior. And, ask to be filled with unlimited Bright, White Light of Source.

Then allow your guides, angels and other protective beings to intervene on your behalf. Oddly, you may pray and voice your wishes for knowledge and understanding but if you don’t give Source permission to assist you, it will not occur. Your free will would override God’s Will.

Faith is the total release of any control that you feel you have in your life. By giving your life to God you will be at once healed, on your chosen path and squarely in the Light. Any doubt will undermine faith. It is certainly human to take back control of life’s circumstances, perhaps without even realizing that you have.

Faith also has a lot to do with finding your life purpose. If you continuously insist that you are here to do something specific, your actual purpose for this life may be vastly different. Faith will adjust your direction to bring you in alignment with what you genuinely came here to do. Altruistic actions are always a good decision but the world also needs bankers, investors, law enforcement, scientists… or other profession that is not what you would normally consider spiritual.

The best option is to do what you love, what you are drawn to and/or what comes naturally AND help to care for those less fortunate. Your vocation and working for God are not mutually exclusive. There are many ways to include all wonders of the world into each life. Faith will bring you to the doorway of your intended life but you make the choice to walk through it. Mistrust of your path will cause lost time attending to what you promised God that you would do.

Positive affirmations are what you say to yourself instead of the cycle of negative self-talk that you are used to. Focus on what areas of self-doubt that you have then increase the scope to include all areas of life. Resist the urge to restart the negative self-talk. This is not positive or beneficial. To heal and become ONE with the Universe, your thoughts must reflect that positivity, hope, joy and love that created us. Respect yourself and always be your greatest advocate and friend. Use the words that touch your soul and be whole again.

Positive visualizations also assist in overcoming doubt, fear, ego and dysfunction. In your mind’s eye view yourself as stunning, whole, fully healed and full of Light. Allow no blocks or barriers. Envision pure and vibrant colors. Glow like the brightest star and move with untold grace. To be God you must appear to be God. This is your natural state. Envision what being ONE with the Universe truly looks like. This is you.

My Landslide of Grief

There are times when you suffer many losses during a short amount of time. Usually the losses are similar to the ones listed. Not often do you experience the death of significant people in a short amount of time. It does happen, but not often.

It is a series like this that people will state that they “haven’t recovered” from all those close deaths. You could meet someone ten years later and they will still mention this series of deaths that they were unable to get through. You realize that the pain is still causing them emotional distress. This mountain of grief is difficult to manage for any person. Ideally, they could process the loss of one person at a time until they have resolved a major portion of their overall grief. Most people won’t do this. They will continue to look at the entire group of losses and remain unable to recover emotionally.

We have stated many times that no event is intended to undo you. Each event is a lesson. You needed to learn a variety of things from one loss and then be prepared for any future losses. The culmination was meant to be lessons learned not a pile of grief added to the current pile.

I have experienced a lot of grief in the past three months. My family had to euthanize a guinea pig after struggling to heal him from a tumor removal. We made the decision to end his suffering but our grief was monumental. He was very much a part of the family.

Then I lost a dear aunt after a short illness. It was expected but still painful. We lost her sister only 1 year ago. So this is a good example of layering. Recently, our hamster died. We struggled to care for him but we could not save him from illness.

We have lost several community members in close procession. People I knew and people I knew of. Many younger than you would expect. We had one mother lose three sons within a year. One in his late 30’s from a medical problem, one in his late 20’s from an overdose and the most recent one in his early 30’s of an overdose.

Then, of those community members, I lost a male cousin who was only 55 to a massive heart attack. He was only 2 years older than me and this was completely unexpected. His brother is currently in the late stages of lung cancer and will die soon at the age of 53. So that will be two deaths in one family within a month. Both far too young.

We have lost nearly 10 people in our small reservation community in the past 3 months.  With 2 more quickly approaching death.

I’m at a loss for words. I haven’t posted for a while because of this mind-numbing trend. Perhaps I don’t yet embrace the lessons that were intended. Maybe I am not listening. Perhaps I don’t have an open-mind.

I work with many people who have lost someone. It is almost too numerous to mention. But what is our lesson? What do we need to learn as a community?

Two died of overdoses so this obviously speaks to drug awareness, prevention and intervention. Many died from complications of Diabetes. This is something that any native community deals with. The people who died of heart disease may also be attributed to Diabetes. Then two people died of cirrhosis. With lifelong alcohol abuse, their bodies shut down and they succumbed. We also have a higher rate of alcoholism so complications are common in our community.

No one remembers a time when we have suffered so many losses this close together. When I ask spirit, “why?” I get one word, “renewal.”  If you lived here, knew the members of this community and suffered this many losses close together, what does renewal mean? No one has found the answer, including me.

I will keep searching. My impression is that I don’t have enough distance from the pain yet. With some amount of healing I will listen and learn what renewal means and how this happens in my own community. I will hear more words from spirit and will resist shutting down in exasperation. I will find some solace and allow my heart to heal.

This is why I am here. I am a messenger but for now I don’t really know what the message is.

I have faith. I understand there are intended lessons. I understand that we are meant to be brought close together without any boundaries between us. We have all been touched by drug, alcohol, medical and accidental deaths. Some losses were expected and others were not. Sometimes death does not just touch the elderly.

There are times when a loss happens and you have time to find your faith and get through it. There are other times when losses happen so close together that coping simply means getting through one day at a time.

We will find out what renewal means and we will do it together. You may be able to place your finger on the truth now while I am still simply trying to manage. The messenger has some learning to do.

Sympathy and Empathy

People often ask how to be a better person? It is always a simple answer. If you look at the behavior, thinking and intentions of anyone you may see that they are basically positive or negative. This may be easier for you to decide about other people since you would tend to be objective. If you are asked about your own overall wellness and positivity, you would tend to split hairs, justify certain behavior and make excuses. You would be offended by someone’s quick assertions about you.

Basically, if you do good things and have a positive attitude, you are a good person. If you harm people intentionally, steal, lie, manipulate and live without sympathy/empathy for anyone, you are a bad person. Any action may be assessed in this manner. It is much like a judge in a court of law. This person will accept descriptions, facts, information and testimony then make a determination. This is also how the Universe decides what your energy vibration is. Just the facts.

What does your behavior say about you without any excuses or explanations?

This is a difficult way to look at you. In your current world you have a list of reasons and explanations for your behavior. You are depressed, you are reacting to something, you are getting back at someone, you are jealous, you have trauma in your past… There are so many layers for why you act, feel and behave in a certain way.

If you are happy, well-adjusted, flexible and self-determined you rarely act out against others. You may have thoughts of vengeance but why would you go through with it when everything is good in your life? Your own flexibility takes over and you move on to much more interesting and positive things. The people who seek vengeance and actively sabotage people in their lives usually have a lower vibration. They are dark. They see no benefit to responding to stress in a positive manner. They move from one conflict to another and try to get the better of anyone who they feel is in their way or have spoken out or acted out against them.

Their darkness varies. Some people are very dark and evil. Other people are grey, darker grey or intermittently dark. You have been in contact with truly evil people. They make you cringe and you go the other way ASAP. You get a creepy feeling and perhaps your skin feels like it is crawling. Some are described as having dead eyes. You see no emotion or feeling in their gaze. Or, they may look right through you.

What you may not actually know is where you are on the continuum of energy vibration. Are you mostly good or mostly bad? Making an assessment about your own behavior will be difficult because of your explanations and justifications. Make your best effort to decide where you stand on a scale of 1- 10.

Be honest and then go about raising your vibration. No excuses, explanations or justifications. Simply good behavior or bad behavior. Be a nice, supportive and friendly person. View your actions alone. You don’t get this yet, we know. Why would we negate all of your past experiences in reference to how you interact with the world today? Because you are an adult and you must overcome adversity and find goodness in yourself and others.

This is also how we answer the damnation question. If you are a higher vibration person, you cross over and dwell in the upper 5 levels of the Afterlife. Those who have a lower vibration cross over and find themselves in the lower 2 levels.

Why would you knowingly behave in ways where you may end up in the lower levels? The extensive list of questions about how to get away with as much as possible and still not go to Hell was eye opening. It seemed like a very childlike agenda. Can I cheat on my spouse if they deserve it? If my mom did not properly care for me as a child do I have to take care of her now that she is older and sickly? Is harming someone in the name of religion still wrong? Again, look at the action and not the backstory. Harming others, stealing money, lying, cheating, violence… is never OK. If you cannot get past what has occurred between you and the other person than the only thing you can do is walk away. Do no harm and seek no vengeance. This action will increase your vibration.

It is the acting out in harmful ways that lowers your vibration. It is best to not have the darker thoughts as well but the important thing is to not act upon them. Then, work on yourself every day to resist having the darker thoughts as well. Have you noticed that we did not take into account the layers of why, who and what? It is the thoughts and actions, not the backstory.

Enter the concepts of sympathy and empathy. These considerations are for others, not you. Rate your own actions according to how you influence or impair another. If you have no need for sympathy and empathy, then your path is much longer. If you are able to embrace your potential influence upon others, you are much closer to a resolution.

Meet all of your darker thinking and overcome them. Being an independent adult who is self-directed means that you are accountable for your thoughts and actions. You may have been seriously harmed yet God expects you to overcome and offer the Universe love and forgiveness. You are absolved for your sins as well. This is a global event. Everyone is eligible for absolution unless you are dark and treat others with dark thoughts, behaviors and actions.

It is very simple. There is no ambiguity. Your vibration determines your life experience and where you cross over to in the afterlife.

Star Crossed Lovers

There are many romance novels and fairy tales that give you the impression that there is one true love in your life and they are perfect and wonderful. This is far from true. What is perhaps more accurate is that you have a chart, that you wrote and you included some relationships from which to learn from. You have a specific set of goals for each of your relationships in life. This includes ALL relationships. Your parents, siblings, close and extended family… social circles, school mates, BFF’s… college/work peers, bosses, subordinates, landlords, neighbors… The list is extensive.

Having the objectivity to look at your relationships and realize their purpose, is something people rarely do. You usually tend to walk through life and manage the best you can. The popular thinking is that you are looking for the perfect partner. You may have let relationships pass by and you then wonder if they were that special someone and you didn’t realize it. You may spend some time looking back when in all actuality, please look forward. There is no going back. You passed that person by for a reason. It is your imagination that makes you think that you probably missed the relationship of a lifetime.

Refuse to waste any more time looking back. Look forward and make sure you known what you are looking for. You must be in relationships in order to discover what you appreciate and what you really don’t care for. Despite some obvious negative qualities, you have to discover your tastes by actually finding love. The first relationship is NOT your last. You will not find the perfect mate just because you believe you will. Life has more experiences in store for you.

It is much the same as finding your career. It may be something that you obviously appreciate and love to do or it may be something that presented itself to you as if by chance. It may be a summer job that really stuck with you and made you happy. Perhaps an internship that worked out well. Maybe the family business. It is a process, just like finding love.

You do not travel from A to Z without going through all of the letters. There is no purpose to this. All of your lessons are in the spaces in between. You adjust your preferences through experience. Finding Mr./Ms. Wonderful will happen if you charted it to happen.  If you charted that ‘one’ person, then you would have planned a few chances to meet and get to know them. They would appear a few times in your life so that even if you are being distracted or displeased, they will present again. No, this will not continue to go on. You will run out of chances. It is completely possible for you to miss your true love because you are holding out for something unreal or ideal.

You have developed a habit of seeking the same person over and over again. This is obviously not working but We tend to doubt that you realize this pattern that you have perpetuated. In all likelihood, you have a need for shame, doubt, fear or rejection due to some issues you have experienced. You find a cheater because you believe you don’t deserve someone who appreciates you or treats you with respect. Often, you dislike the “nice” person in favor of someone with more angst. Then this angst is directed at hurting you and leaving you holding the false blame of their dysfunction. Over and over. The “bad” boy or girl is trouble and you know it.

You may also want to meet your “mother” or “father.” This is fairly common and must be dealt with in order to become healthy and whole. In effect you are reliving your childhood and adulthood trying to get something right. This time trying to please or gain the respect of your parent. Or, you feel that someone just like your parent will love and support you BECAUSE they behave like your parent. Or, they feel “comfortable” because you are familiar with the way that they act. The problem is, this is your partner not your parent.

There are a variety of dysfunctional dynamics involved in your trying to find someone to fit your life perfectly. The truth is that it is a process. You find someone you enjoy as a friend or loved one and then you grow together. It may end up being someone who you didn’t expect.

Remember to avoid forcing someone to “fit.” A person who compliments you perfectly does not have to be just like you. Your relationship will have more depth if you support each other and grow into a more mature couple. The first few relationships are necessary. You will gain so much perspective and experience that you will be ready for that “perfect” someone instead of clinging to an ideal that does not exist.

How many of you are lonely? How many of you are in a bad relationship? There are some very nice people who may not exactly fit your expectations but you would grow to love them just the same. Their different preferences will actually expand your experiences. The only people you must avoid are the ones who will harm you, damage the good things in your life, disrespect you, leave you broke, isolate you and cause you physical/emotional pain. If you do find this troubled person, you must have enough self-respect to leave the situation and make better choices. If you have emotional problems that resulted from the life you have lived, get help, get healthy and then find healthy!

Start crossed lovers is more often the exception than the rule. Release your unrealistic expectations and gain some much-needed experience. A good relationship is something that develops between two people who love each other and want to grow together. It takes some work. It is all about nurturing, compromise and respecting each other as a whole person.

Don’t skip the lessons in between. That is where life is lived.

Healthy Love

1. Become emotionally healthy on your own. Seek counseling, read books, join a support group, journal, meditate, pray, be grounded…

2. Release your need for your love interest to fit some sort of ideal. Looking for the same qualities over and over again, have not worked.

3. Be friends first. Do not consummate the relationship until you have a good idea of who they really are. Being intimate too soon causes extra pain when you both realize that the other person is not who you made them out to be.

4. The “honeymoon” phase is NOT the time to make any commitments.

5. Be absolutely certain to NOT get pregnant. If either of you are in a hurry to have a baby. there is definitely something wrong. Starting a family should arise out of a long-term, love relationship that has already included some level of commitment.

6. Challenge each other to grow and expand your lives. If one or both of you are struggling to keep each other held down or limiting the other’s opportunities, this is NOT healthy. This is control.

7. Do not bring others into your conflict.

8. Do not expect someone to fit your unreasonable requirements. They must be wealthy and give me unlimited amounts of money. They must be physically fit and follow my exact diet. They must spend all of their time with me and get permission to be somewhere else without me. They must love my family and side with me against their own. They must treat my children as their own and resist any extra time spent with their own children. All of these rules are unhealthy AND unfair.

9. Accept all of their relationships just as you accept them. Do not intervene in any relationship that they already have established. You are manipulative if you find love and then go about making changes to their lives. If there is a truly damaging relationship, then the decision to distance themselves from that person is a joint decision, not your decision.

10. Trust them until they give you a reason to not trust them. If your last love was a cheater, that does not mean that this person will cheat as well. Or, if other partners have stolen money from you, this person is different until you find reason to think otherwise. This may be YOUR dysfunctional behavior by expecting trouble in the same ways throughout any of your relationships. Your insecurities may actually doom any hope of success with someone new.

11. Build trust one step at a time. Do not give someone the keys to your car, house and heart in the first week.

12. Recognize when someone in your life is sabotaging this relationship. Your partner may seem insecure but there may be some truth to their discomfort. Is your mother trying to turn you against them? Does your best friend not like them because they don’t see you as often? Does your father disapprove of their career? Be objective.

13. Keep your finances separate. There is no quicker way to find an abusive, controlling person then to give them access to your cash.

14. If they cheat, do not blame just the other person who they cheated with. This is irrational. Both parties cheated. There is a shared responsibility for the deception. If you fall into this mind trap then you are being played by your partner.

15. Take turns deciding what to do for fun, leisure, exercise… Do not force a person into your life. Always make concessions and compromise equally.

16. Ask some good questions  Once it begins to feel serious, discuss money, family commitments, illness, finances, children, retirement, housing, travel… If there are important issues that you are the polar opposite of each other, then you must decide how to proceed. Forcing someone to compromise is not healthy or respectful.

17. Make small changes until you each feel more comfortable.

18. Begin your financial discussions when you have made a commitment to each other. You may have to decide on savings, housing, large purchases, dividing bills, college tuition, pet care, elder care, any moves required for work…  This will decrease the shock of your financial expenditures by having an idea of what costs you will be facing together. Conflict over finances can end a relationship.

19. Never give up too much of yourself to make the other person happy. Know when you are no longer the person you want to be and make some changes. If there is no compromise, this is probably not a healthy relationship for you.

20. Build respect for your partner from your family, friends and other close loved ones. Please do not allow your partner to be chastised or disrespected when travelling in your circles. By allowing these conflicts, you are leaving your love to fend for themselves and this is not healthy or loving. You would not be happy in this same situation, so protect your partner as you would also expect to be protected.

When Love Isn’t Enough

There are people in our lives who harm us either by intention or without intent. Either way, it is still harm. How do we decide what to do? Do we speak to them and voice our feelings? Do we not say anything and just put up with it? Or, do we systematically push them further away from us?

This is a decision that each of us may only make for ourselves. We decide how people treat us. Some of us have underlying issues and we may keep the abusive person because we believe that we deserve to be disrespected.

Look at each situation. Decide how to proceed. Make adjustments to the relationship toward achieving that change. Some people are very close to us. We may not wish to cut off a relationship with a father or sister but may be more willing to distance ourselves from a co-worker.

List each person separately. Define each relationship such as how close they are to you and how severely they wound you. List the pros and cons of each relationship. Decide how best to proceed with each individual.

The close relationships are probably worth keeping. Make time to speak about how you feel and what you would like to change between you. Make sure to state how important it is the relationship change so that you no longer feel put-down or belittled.

The people who are not so close to you may be addressed by simply limiting the amount of time that you spend with them. Excuse yourself if you start to feel bad about what is being said or done. Always have an excuse ready to get out of those unhealthy interactions.

Those who you are not able to stay away from may be handled by simply letting go. Do not engage in harmful discussions and quickly dismiss what is being said or done with the intention of hurting you. Wrap it up and let it go. When you leave the encounter flush your being with White Light. Sing your own praises to yourself and get on with your day!

Some abusers will tire of not getting a sufficient reaction from you. They will lose interest if you do not react with sufficient upset. Hopefully they will limit their own contact with you because it does not feed their need to harm someone.

If the abuser is someone who you are in a romantic relationship with then are there are many more issues at work. There is a significant lack of self-esteem and perhaps overriding feelings of helplessness. In this case there are no quick fixes. Counseling would be a great idea to start. Beware that the abuser will likely react negatively to your seeking help. They may increase the stakes against you and make every effort to regain control over you again.

Do not look for a rescuer! There are people who look for abused individuals just so that they may intervene and save the abused partner. These people are just as enmeshed in abuse as the person who you are trying to escape. This is an unhealthy cycle. To ensure your successful recovery you need to seek an appropriate exit that places an emphasis upon your overall well-being.

This is a small sampling of instances. We will speak more about this is the near future. Just know that this is a start. Look objectively at the people in your life. Decide what you are willing to endure and what is truly unacceptable. Try your best to not be the victim in anyone’s dysfunction.

Once you view your relationships objectively, we will know where to take the next step. Look forward to healthy and uplifting relationships.

We will look more closely at your ability to want what is healthy and also who has alterior motives and darker needs.

Find love in every moment of every day,

Evelyn