Healing for the Holidays

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Forgive.

In today’s world is it really this simple? It can be. No one is asking that you forgive and forget. Just start the process by forgiving.

Many actions and events are far too serious to forgive and this is true. There are things that no one will ever be able to understand. There is a point at which you may forgive someone. Perhaps it was something unintentional. Maybe they were abusing substances or undergoing severe trauma. It may have been a mistake that may be placed in perspective thus making it easier to understand. Then, there are things which you will never be able to forgive anyone for. Things that were unspeakable. These instances must be dealt with as well. No, you are not expected to forgive someone for anything heinous. But let us see if we can put it perspective as well.

The first talking point is about personal power. Have you ceased to grow and succeed because of something that was done to you? Have you allowed it to interfere with many areas of your current life? Then, you have given this person or situation your personal power. You have dealt with the trauma by not dealing with the trauma. You have allowed it to alter your life and cause you unhappiness, dysfunction and possibly illness.

You have given the best and the worst of you away. You are not in a position to deal with this event because you have given up any control or positive response that you could have had regarding it. You let go of the wheel and have allowed dark and dismal energy to define who you are. This is not recommended. You must be responsible for your own thoughts and feelings. The lack of direction and healing that makes you feel out of control is exactly what comes from you giving up your personal power.

Do you make statements like, “I could be happily married with my own family if not for this…” Or, “If I did not suffer … I would be in good health, productive and successful.” This is the wrong way to approach anything so essential to your sense of self-worth. Work to the point where you say, “I am happy and loving despite…” “I have overcome… and now I have love, prosperity and good health.” Eventually you will make statements without the added references to trauma, abuse or crisis. This will take time and effort. Wishing it away doesn’t work.

The second talking point is to release any anger. Yes, this sounds extremely difficult but the reason to do so is positive. The anger is not affecting anyone but you or those close to you. You are harboring darkness that interferes with the amount of love and hope that you may feel. In this instance, your anger is not productive. You have not progressed through any other stages of coping or grief about a situation. You have stalled in the anger phase and have harmed yourself and your close relationships because of it. The person who caused your pain is not suffering in the least, you are.

There are times when anger is a motivation or even a tool to get things done. If you are holding anger from past years or childhood events, this has gone on far too long. Release the anger and allow yourself time to heal. Let it go. Talk to yourself, say a prayer, perform some kind of ritual, see a counselor, join a support group… Talk it out and let it go. Remind yourself each day to let it go. Use positive affirmations. Never find out that you have to say “I am strong but…” No! You are strong, healthy, beautiful, prosperous and generous. No one has taken any of this away from you. For some reason you gave it away but you will not do this any more.

The third talking point is to refuse to accept any blame if your trauma occurred when you were a child. The adults in the environment did not keep you safe. Either they truly did not know what went wrong or they are pretending that they didn’t. Either way, do not blame yourself. There is a great deal of dysfunction that occurs in some families. Many adults or older people in the home do not want to deal with any problems that could get upsetting. They may pretend they don’t know or they may walk away from the situation just so they don’t have to deal with it.

Sometimes the older sibling believe that you deserve your mistreatment or they were abused and now it is your turn. They may not be old enough to understand that any of it should not be happening. They make adjustments to survive in the dysfunction and they rarely take a stand against what is wrong. There are also times when one parent does not intervene when another parent is abusing the children. This is also what dysfunction looks like. Everyone adjusts their own behavior so that they either escape the abuse or don’t have to deal with it.

The lack of action is also not your fault. As a child you were unable to understand and process the complexities of your life. You may even have thought your life was “normal.” The time to accept any responsibility is now. You are an adult and you understand at least part of the problem. Now is the time to deal with it and heal. Make your life better and make the lives of the next generation even better. As an adult you may begin a new phase of healing, growth and healthy relationships with your loved ones. If someone does not want to be a part of this improvement, let it go. You are responsible for you. Gather new “family” who are of like-mind and begin what may be the most productive years of your life.

The fourth talking point is to forgive as many times as necessary to benefit from your efforts. Each day you may have to release your pain, anger and desire for vengeance. Keep up the effort and discover ways to feel safe and whole without making anyone responsible for your healing. Again, you are responsible for you. Set down any dark or dismal energy and make the most of each day. There will be setbacks but this is also manageable. Any change takes time and this is no different. It will help to pray, journal, seek professional help and perform some healing actions.

You may not be able to do this on your own but that is ok. If you invest in your own healing the universe will invest in it as well. You are not alone and you are strong enough to get through this. We have spoken about your daily self-care. This is another action to take, release your lower vibrations each day and throughout the day if needed. If you don’t release these darker blockages, healing will have little room to take place. Breath easier and open up your world. Find the good health and healing that comes from placing your injuries in perspective and realizing that you are healthy and whole anyway. You are larger than the sum of all of your issues. Really.

The fifth talking point is sincere attempts to raise your vibration will benefit you even if you are unable to cope with all of your past injuries. Brighter and lighter will make depression, anger, illness and dysfunction leave you. Your hurt finds a way out and you will refill your precious inner space with something better. Your improved emotional health will make it easier to bring issues to light and release them. You may wonder why you were so hurt by something to begin with.

Each day will feel like a new opportunity to experience good health and wellbeing. All you have to do is ALLOW your healing to take place. RELEASE any need to get hung up on any past event or situation. And, develop a strong FAITH knowing that all matters pale in comparison to your joy, love and positive intentions. Be open to different types of help. Get a healing, Reiki, message, psychic reading, reflexology, energy clearing, sweat lodge, books, support groups, individual counseling… MEDITATION is essential.

If you have trouble meditating, keep trying. Use a guided meditation CD. Join a meditation group. Begin by being silent, still and quiet your mind, then go from there. Even a warm bath and being purely in that moment will help. When you make progress meditating emotions, memories and concerns will rise up. Then, while still in that blissful meditative state, let it go. Make room for love, support and guidance from God and spirit. In that stillness, you align more closely with the universe and who you really are.

There is no better time to begin your healing journey. The world is full of love and hope and you may use this positive energy.

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