Love Is Enough

This is Lisa. For some reason I am feeling self-protective! Yes, that was a recent post. I meditate and do my best to engage spirit and receive many suggestions for my own life. It usually comes in flashes of visual situations. Most often it is a premonition of a situation and when it occurs I know that I am still on my path. I call them Mile Markers.

Yesterday I was drawn to a sad and tearful situation. I was reminded that love is not enough. This statement repeated itself until I was able to enter a mildly meditative state to be shown what this statement meant to me.

What was spirit reminding me of? My abusive marriage. Love is not enough.

I was married for over 20 years to a man who was emotionally and psychologically abusive. I was a strong-willed, intelligent and very social person. I thought I found Mr. Wonderful. Soon after marriage I began to notice changes in our relationship. He became sullen and angry. I was the root of all our problems and I could do nothing right. He would not speak to me for weeks at a time.

After years, I was stupid, fat, ugly and selfish. I lost myself. I became sullen, depressed, anxious and began to suffer panic attacks. My mind knew I was in trouble but I did not get it at first. Then, I began treatment. With antidepressants and counseling I started healing my life. Soon enough I realized that my marriage was the problem.

Of course, as I began to heal and become stronger, the abuse also became stronger. I feared for my physical safety. With a desperate and debilitating fear, I asked for a divorce. It had gotten to a point that I realized that I may not survive this.

I fully understand the terror that women feel when leaving an abusive relationship. I had gone through it myself. If anything I wanted my children to survive. I may be killed, but don’t hurt “our” children.

Finally the day came when he moved from our family home to an apartment. That was the most dangerous time and selfishly, I kept my children close, to protect me. There were some intense emotional struggles which I choose not to detail here. But what this whole personal admission is about is what my Mother-in-Law said to me. “I know he loves you.”

Love is not enough. If someone is abusive and controlling, love is not enough. If they beat you and threaten your life, love is not enough. If they abuse your children and manipulate them into the dysfunction between you, love is not enough. If you panic because you fear retribution, love is not enough. If you no longer love yourself because you are stupid, fat and ugly, love is not enough.

It is a long road back to health. The single most important lesson I learned was from the preflight instructions when flying. Place the oxygen mask on yourself before placing one on your child. I had to perform some emergency repairs on myself so I could then care for my children, home and work.

After years of counseling, medication and seeking God, I finally began to recognize myself again.

Why does this topic resonate now? Because many of my blog followers are struggling to heal and find themselves again. There is no quick fix, ever. You have to do the work and find the healing that you specifically need. Love is not enough. You need strength, stability, insight, judgment and stamina. You also need to walk toward the Light and NOT further down the darkened path. Money isn’t everything, but some is necessary. AND…finding a boyfriend, girlfriend, or spouse doesn’t heal what is broken! Ever.

Many people seek the diversion of love thinking that all their problems will magically resolve. It won’t. The fact that you are damaged and broken will only draw a partner who is seeking someone damaged and broken. This is NOT the partner that you need. You are predestined for abuse, neglect or manipulation when you find a partner when you haven’t healed yourself first.

Someone who is cuurently alone and wanting love does not want to hear this, I know. But after the healing the journey becomes bright again. Love finds love and joy fills your life because you KNOW joy again! When you rejoin your path, beautiful and wondrous things come to you very quickly. And YES, there is love again! Do the work. Heal yourself and your children. Being well, happy and “in love” is it’s own reward.

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