Well Spring of God's Love

Do you ever find yourself thinking about your childhood and focusing more on what went wrong instead of what fun you had? Are you holding on to these issues even though you have long since grown up? How is that working for you?

The sad truth is that we may never get an apology,ever. No one who harmed us or hurt our feelings thinks at all about what happened so long ago. To them it was trivial and inconsequential. In fact, they won’t remember what had happened unless you bring it up. Even then, they won’t realize how upset you are or that you would like an apology or some type of explanation.

Do you suppose that the only one harmed was you? Are you able to get over it? Are you going to hold this grudge for a much longer time?

What if the person who upset you the most was one of your parents? Do you expect them to offer you some type of reasoning or accept responsibility? Have you tried before to get to the bottom of this issue? What was the response that you received?

The truth is you may not receive an apology or an explanation from anyone. If you demand a response then the person involved may become defensive and angry with you! Turning everything around on you! Why is this so important to you? Why can’t you get over this? This reaction certainly won’t help you to heal.

This may happen whether the damage done to you was from childhood pranks or as severe as being the victim of a pedophile. People resist being held accountable. They don’t want to accept that they were wrong or that they had made a mistake. They may even defend their bad choices and insist that they would make the same decisions if they had to do it over again.

How does that make you feel? It is far more likely that you will need to come to grips with your childhood traumas on your own. Try your best to prioritize each of your concerns then deal with each one individually.

Childhood pranks- look at the age of the perpetrator. Was it funny? Did the same thing happen to others in your peer group? Did it cause injury or upset? If the same thing happened to your own child how would you react? Is it something serious enough for you to end any related relationships? Try putting it in persective and settle it for yourself. Think- they were young they didn’t know how much I was embarrassed. They didn’t mean for it to hurt as much as it did. Or, now that I’m older, I am able to understand that it was not meant to cause me permanent damage, either emotionally or physically.

School age issues- Again, look at the age of the perpetrator. Did they mean to harm or upset you? Was the same thing done to others? Are you holding on to the pain because of some lasting emotions about the incident? What if you had done the same thing to the other person? Was it funny? How would you expect to be punished for doing the same thing? If someone else were the victim would you expect them to hold onto this grudge for this long? Again, no one is going to apologize or accept responsibility. If the perpetrator remembers the incident, he/she probably doesn’t place as much importance upon the event as you do.

Parent issues- Have your parents ever apologized for anything in your childhood? If not then they likely won’t start now. They will probably wonder why you are holding onto issues so stubbornly and why can’t you get over it! Was the issue a parent playing favorites? Or punishing one child lightly and another more seriously? Forgetting special days or events. Not helping you with a school project? Being unreliable? Not attending your plays or sporting events?

Parents do treat each child differently. As a parent ages you may get more feedback on why things were handled the way they were. You may get some amount of explanation or none at all. You may even get some type of understanding!

Can you wait for this? No.

Parents, siblings, friends, teachers, coaches, in-laws, neighbors … are human. We are fallable. We forget. We misunderstand. We play favorites and we sometimes function in cliques.

Please do not hold up your growth and enlightenment waiting for childhood issues to be addressed and resolved to your level of satisfaction. It won’t happen. We’re not saying that you don’t deserve any response. We just don’t want you to wait for it to happen. Keep going. Find the Light. Find forgiveness. 

Forgive your parent for not realizing how much you were hurt. Forgive your sibling for taunting you and playing mean tricks on you. Forgive the adults in your life who overlooked how strongly you were affected by something.

We are all human. Mistakes happen. God encourages forgiveness.

If you are able to forgive, you will receive the benefit, not the person who hurt you. Your heart will feel lighter. Your soul will grow. 

Love will grow freely in your open and light-filled heart.

Evelyn