The Sober Truth

We have reached a level of understanding regarding your energy vibration, your standing as a good person and potential implications on your afterlife. Many of you seem stunned and pensive. You have begun to consider how well you are doing with regard to being positive and negative. It has also started to matter that you are a responsible adult despite some significant events in your life. What matters are your actions. Your thoughts also play into your overall vibration, but to a lesser degree.

Now, the sober truth is that you want specific information about how you are doing. We address you as a group and it is not possible to speak to each of you directly. We encourage you to avoid over reacting. This tends to be a human habit. You tend to be your own harshest critic. You judge yourself more severely than anyone else and this is not productive for our purposes here.

Our best determination is that a few of you are about midway between positive and negative but most are closer to 75% positive. There are a few darker energy people who visit the site but they are not regular readers.

Fear is not productive, action is. If you have concerns about your overall vibration, make some changes. No one is expected to be completely selfless. We encourage you to be fairly positive. To us 75% is awesome. That is more than enough positivity to keep you traveling in the light. Moderate numbers are acceptable. 50% positivity is definitely a workable starting point. A good range for achieving your highest good would be 70-80% positive. This is an empathetic, proactive, responsible, socially conscious adult. You are not a saint and no one asked you to be.

Please allow yourself some time to adjust to this new information. Be fair to yourself and resist having lofty expectations for loved ones as well. There is definitely a learning curve. Moderate improvements are acceptable. Please do not push to be perfect. That is very unfair to expect this from you. Every day we learn more. Even a prestigious Doctor, renowned philosopher or astrophysicist still have more to learn and experience.

Be kind to yourself. Doing your best is sometimes enough. Yes, you have had some stressful times in your life and this has shifted how you feel, think and behave. Knowing that moderate emotions, thoughts and behavior are preferred is helpful information.  Be aware of times when your mood swings too high or too low. Recognize any extreme reactions to people or situations and bring yourself back to modest thinking. Absolutely avoid making threats, using violence or damaging property.  It is also very important to understand that young people lack some ability to respond appropriately to stress and conflict. Some additional patience may be needed. Elderly or ill people also need your understanding.

One of our best directives is to “be God, for God.” This is not as stringent as you may think. God always forgives. Each of you may always turn your life around and accept the light again. Absolution is yours. You may accept your Creator at any moment and seek forgiveness. This is also what you may offer to others. To “be God” is to not judge and condemn. There is always one more chance.

We speak of those who walk a darkened path and seek to hurt others. You may decide there is little to save in a person like this but God is always open to embrace them again. Even the darkest human may approach God at any moment and receive patience, understanding and forgiveness. It is not up to you to determine when someone is beyond hope. This is Divine. Offer empathy and sympathy and step back. You will not want to be harmed or possessed by such a person. Protecting you and your loved ones matters as well.

Love is always the answer. Offer prayer or a passing blessing for those in need but do not venture in to dangerous territory. Our intent here is to remind you that God forgives even the darkest of souls but this is NOT your responsibility. Do not interfere in this situation.  Being God, for God is resisting judgment.

Do not overwhelm yourself thinking you need to tend to impoverished people in third world countries. You have your life. You have your own family and personal responsibilities. You are employed and have bills to pay. This is all as expected. Give what you can. Volunteer if possible. Donate to a cause that resonates with you. Send love in passing to someone in need. Travel in the light always.


Sympathy and Empathy

People often ask how to be a better person? It is always a simple answer. If you look at the behavior, thinking and intentions of anyone you may see that they are basically positive or negative. This may be easier for you to decide about other people since you would tend to be objective. If you are asked about your own overall wellness and positivity, you would tend to split hairs, justify certain behavior and make excuses. You would be offended by someone’s quick assertions about you.

Basically, if you do good things and have a positive attitude, you are a good person. If you harm people intentionally, steal, lie, manipulate and live without sympathy/empathy for anyone, you are a bad person. Any action may be assessed in this manner. It is much like a judge in a court of law. This person will accept descriptions, facts, information and testimony then make a determination. This is also how the Universe decides what your energy vibration is. Just the facts.

What does your behavior say about you without any excuses or explanations?

This is a difficult way to look at you. In your current world you have a list of reasons and explanations for your behavior. You are depressed, you are reacting to something, you are getting back at someone, you are jealous, you have trauma in your past… There are so many layers for why you act, feel and behave in a certain way.

If you are happy, well-adjusted, flexible and self-determined you rarely act out against others. You may have thoughts of vengeance but why would you go through with it when everything is good in your life? Your own flexibility takes over and you move on to much more interesting and positive things. The people who seek vengeance and actively sabotage people in their lives usually have a lower vibration. They are dark. They see no benefit to responding to stress in a positive manner. They move from one conflict to another and try to get the better of anyone who they feel is in their way or have spoken out or acted out against them.

Their darkness varies. Some people are very dark and evil. Other people are grey, darker grey or intermittently dark. You have been in contact with truly evil people. They make you cringe and you go the other way ASAP. You get a creepy feeling and perhaps your skin feels like it is crawling. Some are described as having dead eyes. You see no emotion or feeling in their gaze. Or, they may look right through you.

What you may not actually know is where you are on the continuum of energy vibration. Are you mostly good or mostly bad? Making an assessment about your own behavior will be difficult because of your explanations and justifications. Make your best effort to decide where you stand on a scale of 1- 10.

Be honest and then go about raising your vibration. No excuses, explanations or justifications. Simply good behavior or bad behavior. Be a nice, supportive and friendly person. View your actions alone. You don’t get this yet, we know. Why would we negate all of your past experiences in reference to how you interact with the world today? Because you are an adult and you must overcome adversity and find goodness in yourself and others.

This is also how we answer the damnation question. If you are a higher vibration person, you cross over and dwell in the upper 5 levels of the Afterlife. Those who have a lower vibration cross over and find themselves in the lower 2 levels.

Why would you knowingly behave in ways where you may end up in the lower levels? The extensive list of questions about how to get away with as much as possible and still not go to Hell was eye opening. It seemed like a very childlike agenda. Can I cheat on my spouse if they deserve it? If my mom did not properly care for me as a child do I have to take care of her now that she is older and sickly? Is harming someone in the name of religion still wrong? Again, look at the action and not the backstory. Harming others, stealing money, lying, cheating, violence… is never OK. If you cannot get past what has occurred between you and the other person than the only thing you can do is walk away. Do no harm and seek no vengeance. This action will increase your vibration.

It is the acting out in harmful ways that lowers your vibration. It is best to not have the darker thoughts as well but the important thing is to not act upon them. Then, work on yourself every day to resist having the darker thoughts as well. Have you noticed that we did not take into account the layers of why, who and what? It is the thoughts and actions, not the backstory.

Enter the concepts of sympathy and empathy. These considerations are for others, not you. Rate your own actions according to how you influence or impair another. If you have no need for sympathy and empathy, then your path is much longer. If you are able to embrace your potential influence upon others, you are much closer to a resolution.

Meet all of your darker thinking and overcome them. Being an independent adult who is self-directed means that you are accountable for your thoughts and actions. You may have been seriously harmed yet God expects you to overcome and offer the Universe love and forgiveness. You are absolved for your sins as well. This is a global event. Everyone is eligible for absolution unless you are dark and treat others with dark thoughts, behaviors and actions.

It is very simple. There is no ambiguity. Your vibration determines your life experience and where you cross over to in the afterlife.

Beauty & the Beast

There is a duality in everyone’s personality. At times, there is more than just two sides of any person but we will keep it simple. In each of you there is a beauty and a beast. We don’t intend to offend any men that visit this site but we are using this title to make a point.

Beauty is the side that you want others to see and be impressed with. You wish to show intelligence, humor, strength, leadership and independence. The beast is perhaps the more accurate of the two sides. This is the impulsive, childish, selfish and poorly behaving side. When we speak of moderation we wish to encourage you to be more balanced with your behavior. Be less beast and more beauty. Not just the side you are putting out there to be seen but truly balanced.

It takes a lot of maturity to be able to discern what behaviors are positive and proactive. There have been many times in the past when you were loud, impulsive and making demands of people and you felt this was the best way to present yourself and get things done. You may have believed you were being “fierce” in a progressive way. Would you still behave in that manner? Do you feel you get more done by being aggressive and challenging? Perhaps this was more about making people fear you so they will avoid upsetting you or bringing any criticism to your attention.

This type of behavior is neither positive nor proactive. You only lead by fear and oppress any bright, innovative possibilities to occur for you and those around you. You have stomped out any true opportunities for success and prosperity. Ruling through fear will bring no amount of lasting productivity. As soon as your own intellect is topped out, the group will be unable to rise above your limited knowledge. This type of leadership will eventually fail everyone, including you.

Meeting the events of your life with flexibility and eagerness is more successful. In this manner you will allow for more advancement. Encouraging others to have input improves the amount of new information and ideas available. This promotes a progressive environment for decision making. This applies to any type of group or collection of individuals such as family, friends, neighborhood, community and co-workers.

What seems to influence the amount of positivity and flexibility is someone’s ability to handle stress. If someone is very stressed they tend to shut down the number of avenues that anyone may be able to introduce more stress. This leader has enough on their plate and can’t handle any more complicated items presented to them. The iron fist will accomplish this until they have less stress or until the tyranny fails to control the situation. Then what? The beast is in charge and will step up the anger and aggression or “lose it.” The handling of this situation is not likely to be productive at this point. Many people will walk away or see if someone else can address the concern more effectively.

What if this is a parent? The child or children may not have any other avenues to pursue. What if the beast is the boss? There would also be a lack of recourse. How many of you would survive in this type of situation? How many of you are the beast and you leave no room for individuality or freedom?

Some other situations that create a beast are listed.

  1. Someone with little to no impulse control.
  2. Someone who abuses substances.
  3. A person who is newly sober.
  4. A person with a mental deficiency.
  5. An immature person.
  6. Someone who lacks self-determination by being in an abusive situation, is treated without respect, is taken advantage of or is indebted to someone.
  7. Someone who is very young or very old.
  8. A person acting without responsibility.
  9. Someone who lacks experience in this certain area.
  10. A sociopath.

There are so many differing experiences in life. You come to this point with an individual and unique perspective. You have known some beauties and some beasts and you have been either in any amount of life events. The identity that you present to others depends upon your position in the matter. Are you the parent, supervisor, CEO, child, teacher…? It is possible to utilize some characteristics from either personality type in all of your different roles.

We are encouraging positive, proactive and moderate responses to life situations. Be the person that you would prefer to deal with. You have experience with good bosses, partners, friends…and bad ones. You may be able to formulate your best identity by taking all of the most effective behaviors and responding in this manner to things that give you stress. What are the most memorable “beast” moments that you remember? Avoid this same type of behavior. Treat others with respect and consideration. Remember the times that you were diminished and vow to handle it better when it comes to your own decision making.

Develop some ways to manage stress. Do some research on effective coping strategies and begin to use them. You may have one or more of the above listed trouble areas but coping strategies will still help. Avoid severe mood swings from elated to sullen. If you remain moderate your ability to cope effectively will improve. The rush of impulsive thinking will give way to measured, considerate and conscientious responses. The underlying problems that lead to beast behavior will probably need to be addressed but at least you may begin to make changes by improving your coping skills.

Start here where you can. If dealing with larger issues adds to your stress then focus on what you can change. Be moderate and function in ways which will actually make life easier. Fighting and making threats is not the easiest way to get things done. You will actually accomplish less because no one will want to deal with you anymore. Living life by burning this many bridges is not advised. People may be afraid of you but they certainly won’t respect you either. And, they won’t make your life any easier.

Finding Balance

There are many important steps to take when seeking emotional wellness. Balance is one of the most important. Severe mood swings from excited and happy to depressed and tearful is a sign of deeper problems. Any amount of trauma or dysfunction may produce such unpredictable emotions but your return to good health requires that we try to stabilize your mood so any issues or concerns may be brought out and dealt with.

If you are constantly REACTING to the events of the day, no real progress will be made toward healing. Once you find moderation in your moods you will also find what needs to be worked on. Some people prefer to keep their problems obscured by wild mood swings. They spend so much time overreacting to events that the real truth will never see the light of day. This is not as God intended. Self-discovery is optimal. You must understand the difficult times in order to learn from them. Obscuring anything is you actively blocking spiritual growth.

If seeking emotional health, “reacting” is not positive. Mental Health professionals would encourage you to be proactive instead. Accept the event or experience and respond positively and productively. Reacting signifies instability. Try to make the best of anything. See each experience as an opportunity to make positive changes and learn from it. Find solutions and proceed in a positive light.

Even in your own life you would prefer to deal with someone who was proactive instead of reactive. Instead of someone rolling over you with intense, unproductive emotions you would rather respond to someone who is cautious and seeking resolution. This is someone you could work with. We are encouraging you to be that rational, level headed person.

The first step is to be honest and identify the type of person that you are. When you meet with stress are you proactive or reactive? Are you able to list the reasons or examples of why you chose the response that you did? This will help to increase your perspective about this subject. If you are unsure or unwilling to identify your usual response to stress then we will have more work to do. Your own insight into your behavior would help us move along. It is best to be honest and forthcoming. This will help all of us.

There are ways to increase moderation. These are a few examples.

  1. Avoid a harsh reaction to any event.
  2. Pause before you make any response. This will appear as though you are collecting your thoughts. This is actually true.
  3. Count slowly from 1 to 10.
  4. Increase your objectivity. Avoid taking things personally, even if they are personal.
  5. Do your best to dig down until you find the truth. When others are overreacting and being dramatic, weed through their reactions and discover what information is actually verified. Plan your response from information that you know to be true.
  6. Try not to get involved in the rhetoric.
  7. Gossip is ill-advised.

Being emotionally balanced requires you to be moderate and positive. Step back if you have to and see who is overwhelmed and responding poorly and who may be more moderate. See how the moderate person is presenting an emotionally stable response with positive, proactive suggestions on how to proceed.

This happens in all areas of life. From your home, your family, the workplace, the community and anywhere that people interact with each other. Moderation is the best approach.

The answer is to increase the time between upset and the response to it. This is called impulse control. Do some research and find ways to increase your impulse control to all events in life. Our best input is to increase your faith. Once you accept that your life is charted and all experiences are meant to teach you, these stressful events will make more sense. There are definite things to be learned.

Perhaps some simple examples will help.

  1. Your child returns from school with a note from the teacher that they are failing math. Being reactive, the parent would call the principal and complain loudly and insist upon some type of action! The moderate parent would speak to the teacher and ask careful questions about the concern. Together they will discuss how to improve either the communication between the teacher and child and/or get help for the student to meet some very reasonable goals.
  2. Your mother has been diagnosed with cancer. One sibling overreacts and takes everyone’s attention away from your mother and wants all the focus on them. Whaling and assumptions about impending death upset everyone, including your mother. Another sibling remains calm and asks the Dr. what the expectation for care is. How will this diagnosis likely progress, what are the chances of recovery, when will treatment start and what type of assistance will your mother need?

Who would you rather be? Which person is a better role model for others? Who is likely more emotionally healthy? Which person gets more done with less upset?

Now think of the people that you admire in life. These may be considered your role models. Are they emotionally upsetting and irrational? Or, do they maintain some form of emotional control and are better able to plan for ways to handle many different situations?

Often in life we react in extreme ways to things that we feel are out of our control. Then, we find out that the complete opposite is true and our overreaction was uncalled for. This tendency leaves us vulnerable to upset. Make one of your goals to not be vulnerable. This, again, requires faith and moderation.

Be proactive and make your responses positive and rational based on verifiable information. This sounds like a true leader! This is you with some forethought. Congratulations!

A Glimpse of Heaven

We seem to be at a restarting point and I thought it would be a good time to share how I found God.

I have believed in the afterlife because shortly before my grandmother died my cousin visited me at night in my bedroom. I hadn’t fallen asleep yet. An image developed near the end of my bed. For whatever reason I sensed that it was my cousin, Tim. He had died earlier that year from a congenital heart defect and this was the first death that I actually understood a little bit about. The Image was about his size and he gave me the thought of our grandmother then the thought that she would die.

I kept thinking that I should be afraid but I wasn’t. I just understood it was him and he was delivering me a message. Less than two weeks later my grandmother died of stomach cancer. Since that time I absolutely “knew” that we exist after death and we are able to have some type of communication with the living.

Years later I was having a difficult time getting through my divorce and I would turn to my grandmother for support. I would talk to her and ask for her comfort and guidance. I truly believe she helped me at that time and I got through it mostly because of her.

I had a simple, uncomplicated job at the time that had a commute. I was leaving my job and it was after 9pm. The route went along the Niagara River for a short distance and I always loved being around water for the energy. I loved that stretch where I could see the waves and hear the pounding of water against the shore. I was speaking to my grandmother about how I was feeling at the time. It happened without any warning or preparation. I was removed from my actual presence in my car. It was very bright. Like sunshine but unbelievable intense. I felt like I was floating and weightless. Everything changed, including the sounds and feelings of the environment. I was immersed in the most profound and total feelings of love. I somehow sensed there were people around me. I understood their thoughts and felt their love for me through and through. At the time I believed they were my ancestors because it felt like family. They were invested in me because there was a connection between us.

I gasped, audibly. It was a glimpse. The entire experience was very brief but so profound. I cried. Actually, I blubbered. There were tears running down my face and I was whaling loudly. I remember thanking my grandmother for such a beautiful experience. I had complete faith in an instant. I never questioned the presence of God, the grandeur of Heaven or that there must be a higher purpose for my life.

It was a gift that changed my life. I wanted to believe in something and God gave me just what I needed at that dark time of my life. That is what it took. This same type of event has not happened again. I wished for it many times but that was my only glimpse.

Despite this momentous experience, I still had to do the work. There were many things I had to change starting with my mood and attitude. It has been a long road but I am so blessed right now. I have faith. I am content. I know the purpose of life and I am here to share that with you. The upside is that I am a psychic medium. I communicate with spirit so I understand the direction that we all need.

  1. We are God in human form.
  2. Our lives are charted so we may grow closer to God and Heaven. There are lessons that we already know and more to learn, this is the way to stay on track.
  3. Love is always the answer.

My challenge is to bring such a profound truth to you in ways that will impact your life. I don’t have the ability to bust you out of your current space and immerse you in Heaven. This would be so much easier if I did!

My love to you. I am honored to be a part of your life. Walk with me because I am eager to share and I have a genuine ability to help both of us along.


Your Soul is Serious About Growth

There are many blocks and barriers to wellness and most of them have been created by you. It is your constant thinking and planning that makes for cycles of useless energy. Most of what you worry about is already been addressed. Your life is almost completely charted. Not many events are unplanned. If you were to relax and allow the Universe to work in your favor there is very little that you would need to plan.

Don’t confuse this with doing nothing. You still must learn and grow. You must contemplate what goals you have and make ample time to commune with God and spirit. Your unending cycle of inner chatter effectively blocks all communication with the Divine.

Some of this is fear. You are terrified of what communication with spirit could possibly consist of. You also fear the unknown. You may even think you are literally crazy to communicate with beings that are not readily seen. Faith is the best response to all of this fear or anxiety. You must believe in God because you are here on this website with “God” in the name. That is the first step. The next step is to accept that everything comes to you in time and has already been written. If you remain in the Light and resist the darker actions of ego, anger or vengeance, you will automatically walk right through everything.

Letting go is actually the best course in finding your life purpose. Stay out of your own way and allow what is intended to happen. The moment you take control of your actions and tense your body, the direct connection to God is lost. You literally stepped out of the flow of Divine.

We have done an informal canvas of what your concerns are for your life. There is definitely a trend. These are the most prominent concerns.

  1. The first concern is always damnation. You want to know how to save your soul and spend eternity in someplace other than Hell.
  2. How soon do you have to make changes toward being a better person? You don’t want to risk damnation because you didn’t start early enough in life.
  3. How much can you get away with before you risk damnation?
  4. Can you have wealth and material items and still be spiritual?
  5. Is an “eye for an eye” ok or do I really need to forgive others without any retribution?
  6. If I was a bad parent is there any way to make up for this now?
  7. Is it better to be nice to outside people but not so nice to your family? There are more dynamics in families so some bad blood is expected right?
  8. Can I still be a good person and not provide care for my aging parents?
  9. Can I still get into Heaven if I am financially irresponsible with significant debt? What if I leave debt for my heirs and don’t leave money for my burial?
  10. Does time heal all wounds? I may have been reckless in my youth, am I forgiven for this behavior?
  11. Can I cheat on my spouse for a “good” reason? What if he or she deserves it?
  12. Is swearing really a sin?
  13. Is sex outside of marriage a sin?
  14. Is injuring an animal worthy of more forgiveness than injuring a human?
  15. Is harming someone in the name of religion still wrong?

The trend seems to be damnation and how long can you get away with not being so nice. The obvious pattern is that you are concerned only for yourself and this one life. You believe that your afterlife is something that you may be able to toy with.

What you are missing is that you are eternal. Your soul exists whether you are in human form or not. The totality of your life is a vibration. You either raise or lower your energy with each life or a series of earth lives. Your current life purpose is to indulge in what you would consider fun and then straighten out just enough before death so that you are not doomed to Hell. This seems selfish. You have thought very little about how much you do for your family or community. You want to die with the most toys and celebrate your life of excess with an extended afterlife party.

This is NOT a spiritual life. If this is your intention, you’ll be repeating these same life lessons again. This may actually be a repeat of the same circumstances now! In order for you to take spiritual growth serious, you must develop faith. There is more to just this one life and repeating the same lessons over again is a waste of your time.

Some of this will need to sink in. We will continue to guide you but some genuine effort is called for. Let us find a balance. You may definitely have fun but there are also important matters to address. Your life review on the Other Side after your death will be an eye opener for sure. You will be met with the harsh realities of what was done and left undone while you were here.

We have discussed many life patterns that you need to address. This list should be familiar. The closer you get to your genuine self the better your ability to be on your path and making progress with soul growth.

Your soul does not want to abuse substances and cheat on your spouse, really. Review the above list of life concerns and see where you are situated on the energy vibration continuum. Some of the concerns are eyebrow raising but we have a good idea where to begin again.


3 Excellent Starting Points

Fight your urge to over react. Everyone is not against you but there may be some underlying dynamics that you may not have counted on. It is possible to be independent yet not alone.

Emotional healing will naturally pull you out of some problem relationships without that being the intention. If you are seeking emotional stability and some of your current relationships cause you to react poorly, then you may distance yourself from them. Or, limit the amount of time that you are in contact with them. Once you have some inner strength and confidence you may approach them to reconnect at a deeper level. It may take time to find a healthy balance with some of your closer friends and family.

You are not alone but you are being prudent about how much contact you have with emotionally charged people. It is a selective aloneness. You begin to make better decisions about how to maintain your own stability in a group of people. The pronounced mood swings that you may have noticed become less intense. You find more neutral ground from which to interact with the world.

This is finding moderation when all you used to know was intense reactivity. It is important to recognize the highs and lows and realize that there is a better balance in moderation. This is what we are trying to introduce when we speak about the Inner Child and other emotional issues that need to be addressed. Uncovering the layers of emotional turmoil must occur in order for you to find mindfulness and balance.

By refusing to look deeper into your emotional make-up you will not actually reach any level of moderation. Any crisis will send you either too high or too low. You will be right back to where you started. You will react by being pulled out of your balance and stability. After things blow over you may realize that you lost your cool, again.

There is balance when you are grounded, centered and comfortable inside of yourself. Emotional events will pull at you but your best reaction is from where you are; comfortably inside of you. You will eventually remember to respond to life and remain grounded inside. Your decision making and problem solving skills will be strong. You will maintain a level head and present others with the best possible solutions. That emotional roller coaster has been shut down for removal.

You will also notice other people who are still reacting with extreme emotions. Then, from your stable viewpoint, you will see how irrational a lot of people actually seem. You may remember that you used to react in the same manner. Perhaps at that time you would express thanks to the universe that you have found a better way to interact with your environment. You will resist any urge to get pulled out of your center because there is so much more comfort being in complete control of your emotions.

There is so much to learn in a short amount of time. This may seem to be progressing quickly but there are some more important matters that we must get to soon. What we want to do is lay groundwork for future learning. We will present these topics and provide direction then ask you to do some searching on your own.

Meditation is obviously very important. This is how you find inner peace and a deeper connection to spirit. If you increase your intuition you may navigate troubling times with more ease and wisdom. It is much easier to respond to life when you are deeply connected to yourself and understand that you will always be emotionally well.

The second matter is the Inner Child. We have presented a much abbreviated overview of this topic. There is so much more to this and we hope that you enjoy your research. This will become more evident when healing your layers of emotionally charged topics. If you hit a bump in the road and memories of your childhood experiences pop to the surface, you will know this is your Inner Child.

The next topic is balance and moderation. When emotions boil to the surface it is important to remember your way back “home.” In this instance, home is inside you. This is where you are safe, secure and minimally reactive to life experiences. You resist being pulled out of your core and you will respond with strength and wisdom.

These three topics will help each of you to navigate your healing more successfully. There is so much more to cover but let us begin with these first three concepts. There is a mountain of information for you to look through. Find some pieces that resonate with you and be watchful when each of these topics present in everyday life. Remember to be your own positive, proactive, supportive parent and maintain your inward balance.

Who Is On Your Side

Sometimes it seems that other people in your life don’t want you to heal. Why would this be right? Because others are comfortable in the dysfunction and they want you to continue to play your part. If you begin to upset the relationship between people and strive to become healthy, they lose their feelings of stability. Yes, even though it is dysfunction, people believe it is their own “normal.” They will struggle to keep you emotionally and spiritually unwell in order to keep everything the same. They may sabotage your recovery and you may also sabotage your own recovery as well. Once you step back in line, they will assume that you have retaken your role and they will no longer work against you.

That is a hallmark of dysfunction. No one wants anyone to change. If it has been determined that everything is grandma’s fault then, even after death, it still is her fault. Either that or everyone will choose another scapegoat and continue on in this manner. The new scapegoat is just like grandma or they are blamed with their own dynamic. This is not emotionally healthy or normal but it is the way some family’s function.

Mental illness is also a family dynamic. Often the identified patient is one of the healthier members of the group. Mental health practitioners often see greater depths of illness within other family members. The identified patient may be the only one who is enlightened enough to seek help. They may also distance themselves from the larger group because, once in treatment, they don’t want to play their role anymore. It is also possible that they will stay in their family role because they don’t see a better way. Or, the real world may be overwhelming and being at home may seem easier or at least familiar.

You may have chosen your path to better health. In response, people around you may begin to make you feel unusual or better than everyone else. They may distance themselves from you. Why would your loved ones want to deter you from healing?

  1. You may become angry or argumentative because your insight is improving and you are finding some relationship dynamics that are working against you.
  2. They don’t want to be blamed for any of your problems.
  3. Your improved emotional health may cause them to feel inferior, odd or out of place.
  4. Their issues with substances, abuse, neglect, anger, mental illness… may be brought out.
  5. Their ineffective coping will seem more obvious.
  6. They may become jealous of your improved life.
  7. They may lose their ability to blame you for their own dysfunction.

By stepping away from the group dynamic, the remaining members will turn against each other. Obviously, they will find another scapegoat, which may be you. They may continue on in their usual fashion or they may struggle to rope you back in. Either way, you will not see any support from them. There may be other marginal family members that will step forward and acknowledge your good intentions. They may have moved to the margin because they also did not want to play their role. Sometimes these are the people who have moved away. What they sold to family members as a good move for work, better health, better economy, may have just been a way out. Your own view of the family dynamic will also improve with some distance.

Some people will support your efforts to resolve some important issues and others may be less than helpful. It may surprise you exactly who it is that steps up to be one of your support people. It is up to you how to proceed. Carefully navigate making changes and be prepared for some people to get in your way. Remember that their motives may be completely selfish on their part when they attempt to sound sincere.

As you increase your vibration you will attract people who are also vibrating at a higher rate. This is the Law of Attraction. You may leave some of your family and friends behind because of their tendency to sabotage your growth. It is also very possible to gather people of like-mind to you and have more support than you may have expected.

Once you have committed to emotional and spiritual healing, the universe will send help, guidance and obvious messages of support. You are never alone but an improved mood and attitude may help you to recognize your spiritual helpers more easily. Intuition is a powerful skill when making positive changes in your life. Smile more. Laugh more. Bring more light to yourself and others.

The Definition…

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again yet expecting different results. You do not heal by hoping that you will, by letting things go and being in denial. Real healing takes active participation on the part of the person being healed. Even a change of location will not work because you will recreate all of the same problems in your life because nothing fundamental has changed. You will just be sad and lonely in someplace unfamiliar to you.

You do not heal by prayer alone. You may gain insight or inspiration but the work still needs to get done. It isn’t magic. There is no special formula or transformative dream. It is what it is until you figure out what the problem is, address it and cope with life after. Then, you must resist falling back into old patterns. There are no shortcuts.

Life will keep bringing you the problem every now and then. Your soul is urging you to accept that you have a problem and then address it. Your soul just won’t give up because the purpose of human life is to experience many different things and recover from the ones that have caused damage. You are intended to find good health and balance again. The reason for the experience was to learn from it and walk forward with a new understanding. Another reason is to be empathetic to others going through something similar. You start out as the student and then become the teacher or healer.

The struggles in life are truly not random. You charted these experiences in order to learn from them. If you look honestly at your life you can usually see that everything is not wrong or problematic. You usually have a few problem areas and then the rest is manageable. You may have a good income but trouble finding love. Or, you are unsure of what you want to do as a career but had a happy, healthy childhood. Maybe you have found the love of your life but suffer from mental illness. Be objective. Find the lifelines that are successful and be thankful. Build upon those successes while you work on the ones that aren’t going so well.

It truly does seem that the problem areas are the ones that you desperately want to work out. You may have strong family ties, a good job and good health but have not found success in love. This is great! Then there are fewer areas that need your attention. You may have some wonderful qualities and financial success but ongoing turmoil with your parent(s). Again, this means only one area needs your attention! However, this is not the norm. Usually people have a few problem areas in their lives but the basic premise is still true. Address the lifelines that are not working well and optimize the lifelines that are working. It is your habit to catastrophize life. “Everything” is so awful when really only a few things are wrong. Make sure you view your life realistically.

You may ask for guidance from God and spirit but what you will get is the direction regarding the most prominent problem. Not the problem that you may be seeking direction for. You will get the answer that you need but not the one you want. The universe has different priorities than you do. There is no way to twist a Higher Power into giving only what you want and not what you need. That is not how the universe works. It is like seeing a therapist and only discussing what you want and not what the clinician would like to address. This is not how therapy works either.

Many people believe that healing happens in layers. This is true. You may begin your quest to heal by focusing on the most prominent problem. Then, when you achieve some amount of relief, there may be another issue that will rise to the surface. It may be something completely unexpected or a reasonable progression in your mind. Then, you make progress on that topic and deal with the other problems that may now be evident. Usually, you will not be overwhelmed by matters that need your attention. There is one instance when this will occur. If you have been ignoring, avoiding and refusing to deal with any issue, thought or feeling, you may be overcome by depression, a psychotic depression, anxiety, panic or losing touch with reality. How did this happen? You ignored all of the cues leading up to that point and did nothing to heal or cope.

God, spirit and departed loved ones do not set out to overwhelm you. They push the limit when you resist taking any steps to heal what is obviously wrong. You have left them with no other choice. They have to get your attention and force you into a situation where treatment cannot be avoided. Even then a person may still insist upon being in denial. Then, there really isn’t much that anyone can do to help them. Their life will become all about managing symptoms and suffering from a shortened life span. Some may not even manage symptoms. There isn’t much to do for someone who won’t help themselves.

Most of the population will not allow themselves to get to this point. The progression of mental illness and anxiety can be turned around before the symptoms become permanent. You must realize that these issues are a cue to a much deeper problem. You are not suicidal because of simple, minimal conflict. This is a progression as well. Your own objectivity is needed to intervene at any point on your health continuum. Stop the progression and get help. Understand that Divine intervention may be urging you to start the healing process.

  1. List your issues and concerns.
  2. Read books, search the internet and investigate different types of help.
  3. Get started working on the most prominent problem.
  4. You may be able to work on a few issues simultaneously but it is OK if you do not.
  5. Resolve this concern until you have managed the effects that it has on your life.
  6. Address the next prominent concern.
  7. Resist any back sliding.

Always remember that the universe will present the most prominent problem for you to deal with. It is often not the problem that you consider the most important. Be available to cues that will guide you to things that need to change. The universe will rarely hold out a sign in front of you with exact instructions about what and how to heal. The clues are more subtle but should still get your attention. Treat your depression before you become suicidal. Treat your anxiety before you suffer from severe panic attacks. Get treatment if you lose touch with reality. Any of these symptoms could get worse and become permanent if left untreated. If you become mentally disabled and unable to recover, your soul will have lost touch with you as well. You did not intent for your life to end this way. Do the work and find relief in spiritual, emotional and physical healing.

The Inner Child Exercise

Tim Shurr, MA                             Healing the Child Within

There exists a theory entitled, “Transactional Analysis,” which states within each of us is a parent, adult, and child element.


The parental element is a collection of ideas and beliefs we’ve internalized from our primary caregivers (parents). Have you ever said something and then thought, “I sound just like my mother/father”? It is helpful to be aware of this aspect of yourself when making decisions and judgments. You want to make sure it is you who are making the decisions and not your parents. If you begin to make a decision and you hear your father’s voice in the back of your head telling you what you should do, it might be best to stop for a second and reconsider what is best for you.

Many times what our parents teach us is sound advice, but not always. If you constantly second guess yourself every time you attempt to make a decision, you may want to investigate from where the conflict is stemming. It may be that you just need to begin creating stronger boundaries around your own beliefs and attitudes are, separating them from the beliefs, attitudes, and opinions of others (including your parents). Children internalize all kinds of beliefs and ideas from their parents, which can later create many problems for that individual. Here are a few irrational, negative, and self-defeating beliefs I’ve regularly heard from clients: People can’t be trusted. The world is a cruel and unfair place. Men don’t cry. Women aren’t supposed to enjoy sex. If you sin, you will burn in hell. Only crazy people go for counseling. I will never be good enough. I will never find a faithful man. Men/women only take. And so on.

Believing these things can make you mistrusting, suspicious, confused, fearful, and depressed. It can also make you behave accordingly. If you feel that no one can be trusted, you may become untrustworthy as well. So be careful when it comes to making choices in your life. Make sure it is your choice and your decision, and nobody else’s.


The adult element is the part you are using right now. It is the part of you that makes logical, rational decisions in your life. The adult element collects information and holds it up against previous life experiences to find whether you will support a specific decision or belief. It also plays referee, maintaining a relational balance between the parent and child part of you.


The child is the impulsive, playful, and creative part of your personality. It is the part of you that seeks immediate gratification and pouts when it doesn’t receive it.

Most of us are highly influenced by what took place in childhood. If you were hurt as a young child and now associate being hurt with being loved, you are operating from your child part. If you grew up in an abusive household, as a child you probably unconsciously associated chaos with love, which would explain why you might have trouble in the relationship aspect of your life now.

Another prevalent notion exists that we end up searching for and attracting partners who resemble our parents in some way. I’m sure you’ve heard this before. If you are female, you unconsciously seek out a father substitute. If you are male, you seek out a woman who resembles mom. If you’re gay, the same theory holds true but genders are reversed. I’ve resisted that notion as long as I could, but it seems to make sense. This is partly why we tend to attract the same type of people into our lives. Think about it. Did you have a controlling or domineering parent? Is your spouse the same way? Did you have a parent you were always trying to please or take care of? Are you doing the same thing now as an adult? Did you have a parent who used guilt or shame to get what they wanted? Do you now have a partner like this in your life? Here is the scariest question of all: Are You like this now?

If you answered yes to any of these, the question you want answered is, “How do I stop this cycle of behavior if it is unhealthy and/or unwanted?” Well, first we must go back and heal the child inside you. This is accomplished by finding out what your inner child needs or desires, what his or her fears are, and then guiding your inner child through the healing process. Until this is done, your true self will not be able to fully emerge. It would be too risky.

The following exercise will help you get in touch with your inner child. It’s purpose is to assist you in uncovering any hidden insights, to provide you with more positive, loving beliefs and attitudes, and to experience (perhaps for the first time) nurturing, encouragement, protection, and understanding. *For this exercise, I will be referring to your inner child as she or her. If you are male, merely substitute he or him.


Get into a comfortable position and imagine going to your safe, happy place. Allow the positive and loving feelings to flow throughout your entire body. Positive, safe, secure, and relaxing feelings move through you, allowing for a deep relaxation to cascade over your entire being. Beginning at the top of your head, imagine a wave of relaxation moving and vibrating down your body, relaxing each and every muscle along the way. Move this relaxing wave of energy all the way down to the tips of your toes. Feel your muscles become loose and limp, heavy and relaxed. Cozy, heavy, gentle feelings embrace your muscles as though a blanket of warm relaxation is covering you from head to toe.

Now take a nice, slow, deep breath into your lungs and then gently breathe out through your mouth. (Pause five seconds.) Good. Now take another deep breath in through your nose and then let it flow out of your mouth. (Pause five seconds.) Wonderful. Now take one more deep breath and this time release all the air out of your mouth at once. (Pause five seconds.)

Excellent. As your body continues to relax, I want you to imagine walking through a very peaceful and relaxing forest. Walking through this forest makes you feel very safe and protected. Very peaceful and at ease. Notice the sounds you hear in this forest. Perhaps with each step you take, you can hear the snapping of twigs beneath your feet. (Pause five seconds.) What smells and fragrances are there? Can you smell pine? Or perhaps just clean, fresh air? (Pause five seconds.) What do you feel? Can you feel a warm sun peeking out from the tops of the very tall trees? Can you feel a gentle breeze pressing against your skin? (Pause five seconds.) What do you see? Can you see all the bright green vegetation, or if it’s fall, the bright colors of the changing leaves? The light green and yellow hues scattered with tinges of orange and brown? (Pause five seconds.)

As you move along this path, notice that it extends way down into the forest, farther than you can even see. As you look down this path, imagine a small figure walking towards you from the other end of the path. The figure moves cautiously towards you and as it grows closer, you can make out the figure of a little girl (or boy). As this child gets even closer, you begin to sense a familiarity and suddenly, you realize this child is you. This child is you when you were a child. She is your inner child. (Pause five seconds.)

I want you to notice this child’s facial expressions. Observe her posture and appearance. Does she look frightened? (Pause.) Fearful? (Pause.) Shy? (Pause.) Angry? (Pause.) Sad? (Pause.) Lonely? (Pause.) Or perhaps happy and/or content? (Pause five seconds.)

I want you, as an adult, to sit down with this child and ask her how she is doing. Ask her how she is feeling. Be patient. Take your time, and wait for a reply. Do this now. (Pause one minute.) Now ask her what she needs from you. Does she need protection, a friend, someone to love and appreciate her? Do this now. (Pause one minute.)

You may want to take some time here to explain some things to this child that you have learned from being an adult. Remember, we understand and see things differently when we are adults than we did as children. (A parent who works all the time to support his family may love his children very much, yet from a child’s perspective, the parent is never around and thus doesn’t love the child.) Explain to your inner child how her parents did the best they could with what they had. Give her this knowledge so that she may finally begin to heal the wounds of her past. Go ahead and do this now. (Pause four minutes.)

Good. Now I want you to promise your inner child that you will do everything within your power to give her what she needs. You will provide protection and security, love and attention. You will be the reliable and trustworthy friend she needs and desires, no matter what anyone else does. From now on, you will be there for her. Tell her this and mean it. She will see right through insincerity. (Pause one minute.)

Excellent. Now give her a great big hug and tell her you love her. Hold her close to your heart and feel the love between you. As you do this, look down upon the face of your inner child and notice the warm, loving glow of a smile pressed against her face. As you squeeze her close to you, she begins to fade away, becoming one with you again. As this occurs, feel a warm glow begin to fill your body. Feel an inner peace as a wonderful healing energy begins to emerge within you. This Inner light fills your body, mind, and spirit with love, peace, and healing energy. (Pause twenty seconds.)

Know that this little girl is only a thought away and she can hear what you say and think to yourself. So be careful because just as positive, loving, and supportive thoughts flow down to her, so do the negative, critical, and hurtful ones. Finally, imagine yourself surrounded by a beautiful white light. Feel your whole body immersed within this protective and loving energy. Then, when you are ready, take a slow, deep breath, slowly open your eyes, and become fully alert and awake and refreshed. Feeling confident and at peace.

Several things may have taken place during this exercise so I want to go over them one at a time. First of all, did you have trouble facing your inner child? Often, people have a difficult time facing specific aspects of their childhood. Being a kid can be tough. It is in these uneasy times that we store up negative energy and hurt. Therefore, it’s sometimes necessary to go back to the darker periods of our life and release ourselves from the emotional turmoil that connects us to the past.

If you found yourself feeling extremely emotional yet were forcefully holding back, try giving yourself the opportunity to let it all out. If you feel like crying, cry. If you feel like yelling, yell. It is so very healthy to express these emotions that have been waiting for the chance to escape. Restraining these feelings only agitates your mind and soul, while making you feel sick to your stomach. So let them out. I always say that tears come from the ice melting around the heart…

Were you able to tell your inner child that you love her? If so, your path towards inner peace and harmony will be a much easier one to follow. If you experienced difficulty in relaying these words, this will be an area in which you will need to focus most of your efforts and attention. Above all else, it is essential that you love, appreciate, and support yourself to the best of your abilities. Even if you were made to feel unworthy or unwanted as a child, it doesn’t mean you have to feel this way now. As children, we don’t have much choice in the way we are treated or in how we are made to feel. However, as adults we do!

Have you ever asked yourself what harm it would do to love yourself? What do you risk losing if you were to begin loving, accepting, or appreciating yourself? You already know the consequences of not loving yourself. Does it make much sense to invest so much time and energy into something that makes you feel rotten? Of course not, but there are a lot of people out there who fight like hell to keep themselves miserable. Some realize it and some do not.

A central theme is continually being reiterating is how important it is to treat yourself with love and respect. But as numerous as the reasons are for why you should do this, people will come up with just as many for why they shouldn’t —or can’t.

Often, people are waiting around for somebody else to make them feel better —perhaps a Prince Charming on a white mustang convertible. Not even a prince will be able to break through your walls to rescue you if you do not first break down these walls and rescue yourself. If you do not treat yourself with love, honor, and kindness, you will not attract others who will also regard you in this way. The same is true of knowing what you want out of life. If you don’t know what you want, you can’t expect others to know for you. You must first figure out what is of most importance and value to you, even if it’s done first through figuring out what is of least importance. Then, begin to live by example. Love and appreciate yourself and others will follow. Treat yourself like a doormat and others will take your lead as well.

If you initiate personal changes and focus on healing yourself, your Prince Charming might just materialize before your eyes. Sometimes our true princes and princesses are right in front of us, yet we can’t see them for who they truly are because our own eyes are so cluttered with negative beliefs, expectations, or fear. Other times, through growing stronger and clearing our vision, we see that it is time to move on and though it can be quite difficult, it is also a long awaited relief.

I encourage you to engage in this short, simple exercise several times during the next couple of weeks. Imagine holding, loving, and comforting your inner child. When you can do this, the way you feel about yourself will change. Your inner world will finally be at peace, which will impact how the outer world appears to you. This little girl (or boy) will finally be allowed to emerge, come out from hiding, and play. Sounds good, doesn’t it? But it feels even better. I can’t wait for you to find out for yourself. You have much to look forward to.