It seems that we must travel further down the darkened path for some of you to be able to face traumatic events in your past. This is ok. There is no judgment here. We only wish for you to heal and prosper. We will do what is necessary to help you recover.
Let us begin with parents who suffered from substance abuse during your childhood years. Right now you may not see the lessons held within this situation. All you see is abuse and neglect that you suffered from parents who behaved unpredictably. While sober they were sullen, angry and short-tempered. When drunk or high they were unavailable and reckless. Their actions made no sense and their behavior was embarrassing. You felt at risk of a great many things and you were punished if you spoke to someone outside of the home seeking help. You learned how to lie about your injuries and lack of parental support. You grew up way too fast and were responsible for too many adult responsibilities. When you cried out, you were met with disdain.
Some of you may have had angry, abusive parents. This may or may not have had roots in substance abuse. There were angry words and excessive punishments. They used the “strap” or the wooden spoon. It seemed like all of the children were punished for the same mistake. Everyone was berated and oppressed. You may have had bad grades. It was your fault even though no one helped you with homework or provided supplies for that science project. Somehow it was all of your fault. Their reasonings made no sense. They logic went from having a problem to you needing punishment. There were no logical steps in between. You learned how to be sneaky and attempt to have some joy in life without drawing your parents attention. You covered for their beatings and made excuses for their behavior. You relished the times when you went to see your grandparents or that loving aunt. You wished upon stars that life would find comfort and happiness instead of pain and condemnation.
Others of you were neglected. You had little to no supervision. Your parents were absorbed with their own lives or they suffered from substance issues. Maybe they had to work multiple jobs to keep the household going. YOU had to make your life work. You made sure you had food and clothes to wear. You were overly responsible for your age. You may have been a guardian for your younger siblings or your older siblings were responsible for you. There was no one to go to for comfort or support. Life seemed unbearably lonely. You envied the lives of your classmates. At times you spent too much time visiting neighbors or family members. You wanted some type of “family” for yourself.
There may have been sexual abuse. You were unsafe and vulnerable. It was something you didn’t understand and yet there was no one to ask about it. You cried out and wondered why no one could tell how much pain you were in. How did the adults in your life miss all those red flags you were waving? You acted out. Still no one knew why. It was like screaming without any sound coming from your mouth. Why was this happening? Is this normal? Why do I feel so dirty? Then MAYBE you were courageous enough to tell someone. Then what? They didn’t believe you, they ignored your situation because they didn’t want to deal with it, or they were supportive but yet unhelpful. This felt like a prison sentence that you didn’t deserve.
How do we learn and grow from such desperate life circumstances? Where is the upside to any of these tragic events? How may we heal from such deeply painful experiences?
It is difficult to understand the “purpose” of these life circumstances. Much has to do with having faith. We often feel responsible for the unhappy times in our lives. Even as children we felt we somehow deserved to be beaten, neglected or abused. There may not have been any answers about how and why. If we find faith we KNOW something bigger than ourselves. There is a plan at work. We are a part of a sequence of events that was predetermined before we incarnated.
In time we learn that these life lessons were invaluable. We know how to keep our children safe and supervised. We attend the parent-teacher conferences. We buy the supplies for the science project and help our child build the best model. We listen to their thoughts, feelings and fears. We know that our child needs to be heard and understood. We do our best to own our behavior with regard to anger, substances, punishment and consequences.
Or…we do as we lived and repeat all of the same destructive parent-behavior that we experienced in our lives.
If you don’t have children it is possible to love and support others who are experiencing some of the same issues that you survived or were a witness to. You now understand neglect, loneliness, abuse, sexual assault or ongoing abuse, dealing with addicted family members, divorce, dropping out of school, underage pregnancy… You are the teacher for improved coping skills and managing traumatic life events. You have seen others attempt sobriety. You have known people who went to jail or suffered other legal complications from poor life choices. You are now the expert in so many areas of life.
It may be difficult to understand now but with maturity you will learn that your battle scars are what make you strong and wise. You are still here in life. Somehow you managed to get through some stressful times. You may have suffered from substance abuse, destructive behavior, promescuity, anger, depression and anxiety. You found your way to this point and you are still looking for ways to make your life better. You ARE a success. No one else has survived exactly how you did. You are smart, resourceful and you still have hope.
It was never between you and “them.” It was always about you and God.
Truly. Your actual self is an expanding, perfect soul with a list of lessons to learn and master. There is something larger than you. The Universe does exist and we are growing very quickly at this time. You are here and you want to learn. Your heart aches because of what you endured but there are so many more positives BECAUSE of what you endured.
Release any pain or injury. ALLOW God and let go of any need for vengeance. Your mother was playing her role. Your uncle agreed to make your life challenging. Your best friend contracted to try to help but to lack understanding. Your grandmother was supposed to turn her back. Your brother charted his life to be overwhelmed by substance abuse and negatively influence everyone in your household. Your life was tragic BECAUSE you are strong enough to survive it.
There is a saying about God never giving you more than you can handle. The truth is also that you never charted anything that you were unable to handle as well. Celebrate your success. Acknowledge and accept your ability to overcome great adversity.
If this concept does not yet resonate with you, that is ok as well. This universal truth will still be here when you are ready to look at your life as a series of successful challenges. There is no judgment. We love and accept you as you are now and we give you our support. Perfection is NOT a goal in life, but survivng is. And, you have survived quite beautifully!
